I lost my period about a year or so after getting it in middle school due to anorexia. After treatment, when I put weight back on it returned and I went on the pill because I was told it would help lessen my chances of getting ovarian cancer (I have a strong family history of it).
I stayed on the pill through high school and college but went off it when I was 24 because my husband and I were trying to conceive. I was at a healthy weight and got pregnant the month after going off the pill. Unfortunately that pregnancy ended in miscarriage.
Over the next 9 months I worked with a fertility doctor and became pregnant again after a round of injectable and an iui (my hormones had trouble bouncing back after the miscarriage and I was impatient to be pregnant again so the doctor helped speed things up).
I had my first daughter in February of 2012.
I nursed her for 18months and got my period back when she was around 13 or 14 months old. My weight was a little on the low side and I was told to gain a couple pounds from my OB which I did and got pregnant again when my first daughter was 18months old. I had my second daughter in March 2014 and nursed her for 26months.
During this time I did not have a period and had lost a considerable amount of weight through breastfeeding and food restriction. My doctor told me that I was most likely not regaining my period back because of the nursing and weight loss.
After I finished nursing the doctor put me on the pill in hopes of jumpstarting a cycle. After one week on the pill I had to go off because the hormones were making me crazy. I already have general anxiety disorder so this was not good.
After another month the doctor gave me the progesterone test which I failed, meaning that my estrogen was low. She told me to gain weight and see a reproductive endocrinologist. I did not gain weight but I saw the endocrinologist who did lots of tests and diagnosed me with HA (this was October 2016).
She told me to gain weight and decrease exercise. Unfortunately, I’m the type of stubborn person who is not willing to listen to anyone else until I am ready so instead of gaining weight and exercising less I lost more weight and exercised more.
I got down to a BMI of 18, was extremely restrictive in my food and counted every calorie in and out obsessively.
I also did intense HIIT style exercise for at least an hour 6 days a week and started running. By February of this year I was running on fumes. One morning, while doing a early morning run (on vacation no less) I hurt my hip.
Instead of stopping I ran 4 more miles and totally screwed up my hip and back. I could barely walk for weeks and sitting, standing and laying down hurt. I was told I could do no form of cardio for at least 6 weeks. I freaked out and tried to get around this restriction but in the end I listened.
I had been listening to lots of body positive podcasts and reading up on HA and on March 10th (after some wine) I promised my husband, who had been very concerned about my health, that I would eat more, exercise less and gain weight. That night I promised myself I would go “all in”.
At first it was scary and exciting.
It was fun to eat lots of foods I had previously restricted but soon I began to have uncontrollably sugar binges. Previously I had eliminated all sugar from my diet and almost never allowed myself a treat. Because of this severe sugar restriction, the pendulum really swung the other way once I loosed the reigns. Weeks of sugar binges ensued and I began to get very scared that they would never stop. I was reassured by this group and others that they would but I was still a very scary time.
Slowly the binges began to lessen and I got more used to eating more and not exercising. Over the next two months I gained over 20lbs which I have had a very hard time with but I have also found many joys and much freedom through this journey. On Tuesday May 16th I got my period! It’s exciting but I can’t help but worry about what comes next…