One day, I remember getting on the scale and seeing a number that scared me. It was higher than I had ever been in my life. Looking back with more insight, I wasn’t overweight at all but really thought I was at that point in my life. While I was looking for jobs, I craved a routine since I had a lot of time to spare, so I started going to the gym everyday.
I started with spin class and started to really like it, and that led me to keep going and trying even more high intensity workouts like insanity, tabata, HIIT, and weight training. I even started running which was something I NEVER liked doing in my life history. I have suffered from asthma for the last 8 years of my life so I was never really able to sustain running for a very long. But, that started to not matter anymore and the exercising took over.
I would sometimes spend up to 3 hours at the gym at a time…
Now looking back, there were things that I remember, sort of warning signs that I should have seen but was too blinded by it all to realize.
Fast forward to May of 2016, I started getting migraines with visual aura that were really scary. After having a few, my doctor suggested going off of my birth control because it could increase the risk of a stoke with this type of headache. I stopped my birth control after being on it for about 5 years and didn’t really think much of it until 6 months passed and I didn’t get my period back.
I was never one to keep track of my period before I was on birth control, and I never got my period on my birth control, but I knew that something wasn’t right if I still wasn’t getting one when I went off of the pill. I went to my doctor and she tested my hormones showing that my estrogen was near menopausal levels. She suggested to stop working out as much and to eat more to gain some weight to get my period back.
Yeah right, easier said then done! I promised her I would but continued working out and didn’t take her suggestion seriously until almost a year later. Once the holidays came, I actually ended up getting one period I think due to a little extra holiday weight, but it never came back until about 4 months later. After the holidays I had lost weight again and returned to my damaging workout cycle and needed to find the strength to get out of it and recover.
The ironic thing is that I work with children and teenagers with eating disorders.
It was after this that I searched online for support groups for this type of thing and found The HA Sisterhood! Seeing that there were other women going through the same thing as me was really inspiring. Until this point, some part of me was convinced that there was something else wrong and that I really didn’t have to gain weight to be healthy again. But, seeing that this was exactly what most women in the group did to recover gave me the strength and courage to go all in and recover for the greater good of my future.
In February 2017 I decided to go all in and ask for the help I needed to get through this.
Throughout my whole recovery, I never counted calories because it scared me to know how much I was actually eating. I mostly tried to eat intuitively and listen to my body. After a few weeks, I started sleeping better, I wasn’t cold all of the time, and my heart rate and blood pressure drastically improved.
It was such a great weight off my shoulders to not have to worry about the medical instability of my body anymore. Overall, I gained about 10-12 lbs since going all in and 14 lbs total since my lowest weight, and on April 22nd 2017 I got my period back!! I was filled with an overwhelming sense of pride that I was able to accomplish this and that my body can and is working the way it is supposed to!
Don’t get me wrong, the weight gain was not easy.
I had many doubts in this process, and I sought out a therapist during to just make sense of my thoughts and help with my body image. I wouldn’t say that my body image is great, but I am definitely starting to feel more and more comfortable in my new body. It is really motivating to know that my body is healthy again and that pushes me to stay where I am and keep my body happy where it is.
There were times in this process where I felt that it was so unfair…
I have to keep on this track to health and being the best me and I couldn’t have gotten here without the support of The HA Sisterhood. It seemed like everyday someone was posting something that I was thinking myself and it was reassuring that I was not alone in this process. I hope my story can inspire others that you too can recover!
It really feels great to be freed from the restraint and guilt that came with over exercising. I am hopeful that I can stay on this road to recovery with the help of my boyfriend, friends, and therapist because my health is most important.